Once Upon A Dreambubble
by Card Carrying Villains
Summary: You are Nepeta Leijon, and being dead is great, Aka the shenanigans of dead trolls. By Jokers


You are Nepeta Leijon, and being dead is great.

You hum just a little bit to yourself as you sit underneath a gargantuan tree doing nothing in particular. You remember your discussion with the Jaspersprite, not long before your death, and are pleased to realize that he was right.

You had not been in your dreambubble for more than a few days before Karkat had burst in, looking absolutely adorable in his red and brown godhood, and swept you off your feet. Literally. He had run into you, knocking you gracelessly onto your butt and sending you both tumbling down the hill you were standing on top of into a rather uncompromising position.

Seeing as you relationship had started at the bottom of a hill, there was really nowhere to go but up. It had started slowly, with you bumbling your way into conversations with him whenever you could. You had never flirted before. When you became Equius' moirail, it had been less courtship and more him knocking down your door and announcing that he was going to protect you.

This Karkat (you eventually come to call him Your Karkat, but you aren't at that point yet) is from a different timeline, so most of your conversations are about that, about the difference between the world you left and the world he left. At first he doesn't want to talk about it, but then one day he breaks down and you are left with a sobbing mass of Knight in your arms as he tries to force the story out.

His world is somehow even bloodier than yours.

It's even because, from what you can tell, before he entered the game his Alternia was far more peaceful. The first time he saw a living being die was when he killed it with his bare hands, and he hadn't been raised to be able to deal with it like you were.

You try to tell him that it's alright, that it's going to be okay, and apparently you succeed because the tears stop. He falls asleep in your arms.

You didn't know the dead could sleep.

(the next day, you edit the shipping wall, scrawling in the lines of red that you had never dared hope to put in your cave back home)

* * *

><p>Your relationship is, at first, a sort of strange moiraillegiance. You aren't sure how to feel about that. Your feelings for him run a more flushed than that, but you also find yourself feeling pale toward him. You don't know feelings could do that but then again, you're dead. Dead people don't have to follow the rules.<p>

Equius is a little bit hurt, at first, that you're getting into a moiraillegiance with someone else.

(Especially the mutant, you know he's thinking, but he doesn't say that. Death has made him more polite, now that there is no one to impress)

It takes you a full week to convince him you still pity him. It's a full month before he stops glaring at Karkat every time the nubby-horned mutant leans against your shoulder.

* * *

><p>You are together for a while when you both meet the Sufferer and Disciple. The latter is skipping through a field catching butterflies, laughing with feral pleasure every time she traps one in her hands. You almost mistake them for older versions of you and Karkat, but something about the way the Sufferer holds himself makes you dismiss that thought quickly. The Sufferer, despite his rage at his execution, is not angry enough to be Karkat.<p>

They catch sight of you and wave you over. The Sufferer seems to know who you are. You ask him how, and he tells you and Karkat the story of his life, his death and the world that he dreamt of. He has been dead long enough that he has learned to look at the living, he says. You would have thought he would be more angry at you, for failing to save his world, but instead he shut his eyes, holds the Disciple close, and tells you about how their love transcends the quadrants.

The Disciple is shooting them knowing looks the whole time, and you don't feel guilty about the fact that you sometimes want to fill buckets with Karkat anymore. When you get home he kisses you sloppily and you find out that he feels the same way.

* * *

><p>You hear footsteps moving toward you, and it takes you less than a second to identify them as Karkat's. You open your eyes and smile at him.<p>

He is frowning at you, which is not in itself odd. He frowns a lot, even if he has been trying to smile more nowadays. What is odd is that his frown isn't the sort of frown that he usually does. Normally his frowns are the sort that one puts on after having worn the expression their entire life. This is the sort of frown that you haven't seen on Karkat since you were alive and watching the one from your timeline fall apart in front of you.

"What's wrong Karkat?" You ask, tilting your head inquisitively. You catch yourself narrating the action and mentally hit slap yourself. Now is not the time for roleplaying. Instead you wrap your arms around him and nuzzle his chin.

"What? What are you doing?" You smile nervously up at him, wondering what could have happened to make him act like this.

"Well _duh!_ I'm your moirail silly. And your matesprit. I'm not really sure what to call it actually. I know! We should come up with a name…" You trail off when you realize Karkat has been trying to extract himself from your grip.

"What the fucking hell are you talking about? I'm not your moirail, or your matesprit, or even your goddamn _friend_ alright? Why the hell would I want to get into _any_ sort of relationship with a weirdo like you?" You almost start crying. Instead, you bite your tongue, step away from him, do an about face, and abscond.

You don't bother to stop yourself crying once you're away from him, and you are nearly blinded by tears by the time you pass Equius'. He yells out your name, but you don't stop.

You need to be alone for a while.

* * *

><p>You are Karkat Vantas, and being dead is great. You're still not sure why any Nepeta from any timeline had harbored feelings for him (you were a rotten little nooksucker in life, and you are the first to admit it now that you've gotten over your bullshit pastself-disassociation problem), but you have no problems with it. None at all.<p>

You know that she will be under the tree. That's where you always meet on the day-that-would-be-Thursday-if-dead-people-had-days. When you arrive, however, the area is surprisingly Nepeta-free, and you are surprised.

You are even more surprised when a very strong troll fist makes contact with your face.

* * *

><p>You are Equius Zahaak, and you are going to <em>kill<em> Karkat Vantas.

After you interrogate him, of course.

You knew it would end badly the moment dear, sweet Nepeta dragged him into your abode and demanded that you leave him alone, but you kept your mouth shut. If you are honest with yourself (you aren't), you will admit that you were even starting to like the nubby-horned little guy.

Well, fuck that.

Equius had known that the Bad Ending had occurred the moment he caught sight of Nepeta sprinting by his house. He called out to her, but she didn't respond to him.

There was only one person in the world who could hurt Nepeta like that, and coincidentally she was running away from their meeting place.

Equius clenched his jaw and stalked toward Nepeta's favorite tree.

* * *

><p>You are Karkat Vantas, and you have a headache.<p>

"Motherfucker, what is going on?" You ask, blinking in a futile attempt to clear his vision.

"You made Nepeta cry is what's going on." It's Equius' voice, and you turn toward it, attempting to sit up. Your head is still fuzzy though, and instead of sitting you just make your thinkpan throb.

"What? I haven't even seen Nepeta today." You were just coming over to meet her, and she wasn't there, and you've rarely been this confused in your six sweeps of existence.

"Then why did she run past my house _sobbing_? Nepeta doesn't sob. She sniffles, at worst. What did you do?" Equius sounds like he wants to strangle you, but there is a hint of confusion in his voice.

"Man, I _just_ got here. If she's crying, it wasn't me. Come on, help me up. We need to go find her." Equius moves toward you, fist clenched threateningly.

"Spare me the lies, mutantblood." You shut your eyes, resigned to the fact that your brain is probably going to be all over the grass by the time this is over, and while the dead might not be able to die again that will never not be unpleasant. The blow never comes, however, because just as Equius scowling face fills your vision you hear a voice.

"What the fuck is going on here? Holy shit…is that me?" You groan. Looks like this was all Karkat Vantas' fault after all.

Just not _you_ Karkat Vantas.

* * *

><p>You are Nepeta Vantas, and you have found a very nice cave to cry in.<p>

You don't recognize the dreambubble you've found yourself in, and you don't really care. It is cold and wet and close enough to your old home (far enough from your tree) that you can almost forget that today is happening.

Almost, but not quite.

At least the water dripping from the ceiling is diluting the puddle of tears on the ground, making it look a little bit less like you're bleeding to death (you briefly remember your death, but then banish those thoughts to the back of your mind). You sit there for a few hours before you hear someone approaching you.

"hey nep, wwhat's wwrong?"

You almost laugh at how ridiculous it is that the person to find you is _Eridan_ of all people, the only person who you can safely say is worse off quadrant-wise than you are.

He is also one of the people you least want to talk to, but that is an entirely different matter.

Before you can say anything, though, he is sitting beside you, arranging his cape so that it doesn't bunch uncomfortably in between his back and the cave wall.

"come on nep, you can talk to me. that's wwhat bestfriends are for right?" You do laugh, then, a confused and desperate sort of laugh that makes you want to cry again.

"Best friends? Eridan, I hardly ever talked to you." You didn't bother looking through that statement for possible puns, you're too busy trying not to cry.

Eridan looks confused, and his face stays twisted in that expression so long you think it might stick that way. Then, slowly, understanding lights up his eyes and he looks almost embarrassed. You've never seen Eridan Ampora embarrassed, you weren't even sure he felt that emotion, but apparently he does.

"You're wwearing your Derse outfit. I should'vve knowwn." He smiles, not one of the arrogant smirks you're used to, but a relaxed grin that makes him almost seem like a nice guy. Scratch that: he _does_ look nice, and the only reason you affixed an _almost_ is because this is Eridan Ampora you are talking about. Equius might have been right about you being too trusting, but even _you_ couldn't bring yourself to consider him benign. You stare at him until he gets the picture and elaborates.

"Oh, sorry. I mean, you aren't _my_ nep. You're a different timeline's nep. My nep has a wway different outfit." That makes sense, you guess. Though you wonder how different the timelines would have to be to make Eridan decide you were best friends forever. So you ask him.

"How did you die?"

His grin gets even wider than it was before (somehow), and he begins to tell his story. You sit back to listen, and only in the back of your mind do you notice you've stopped sniffling.

* * *

><p>You are Eridan Ampora, and you are a careless comment away from murdering everyone you know.<p>

You are vaguely aware of the fact that your situation is mostly your fault: after all, you are the one attempting every quadrant of flirting with pretty much any troll you see, but still. You think that they could at least give you a couple seconds of attention instead of pretending he doesn't exist.

The only one that really notices you anymore is Kanaya, when she is teaching you her science magic, and even then you think that that is only a thing that is happening because she thinks it will shut you up. You also think that it is fake, and that you aren't as stupid as everyone seems to think you are. But when she humors him with her lessons, you can almost pretend that someone still gives a damn about you.

Well….that's what you thought until about an hour ago. Now, faking it isn't good enough, and you can't put on your happy, megalomaniacal face anymore. You have to make sure that there's still a place for one Eridan Ampora on this meteor and if there isn't…we'll you'll just have to find one somewhere else.

You realize that the only other "somewhere elses" are with either the humans or Jack, and you know that the humans will probably platonically despise you as much as the other trolls do, so really, there is only one option.

That's not all you know, actually. You know several things.

You know that your thinkpan is hurting. You know that you haven't slept since forever. You know that really, you are all just waiting to die. You know that you feel pale and flushed and ashen (but not flushed, not yet) for Feferi right now and you _didn't_ know that was possible, but it's tearing you apart. You know that she'll never go with you to join Jack, and going to the dersite would ruin any chance that she might feel anything for you other than a giant well of hate, and not the type you want from someone. You know that you will ask her anyway.

You know that when she says no, that's when you'll lose it and - if you're honest with yourself - you're really just hoping someone will kill you so that it can all be over.

You know that you weren't expecting anyone to be in the hallway you have chosen to stride broodingly down.

This means that you aren't really paying attention to the ground and, suddenly, you trip on Nepeta. And then you realize that you were wrong. You aren't going to lose it when Feferi tells you to put a culling fork in it, because you're losing it right now. Right now, as you lie on the ground, your nose bleeding from the impact and the greenblood is crouched over you, making worried sounds but no doubt laughing on the inside. You've started making noises that at first you think are sobs, but eventually you realize that it's you telling her everything and the still-sane part of your mind is telling you that she's going to use this information against you but then you're being hugged and you can't remember anyone ever doing that for you (not even Feferi, back when things were still good), and she's telling you something that's a confused reassurance entwined with a deep, chest-rattling purr, and then all the scattered pieces inside you are piecing themselves together and you feel happy for the first time in a long time.

You don't feel pale for Nepeta, not even after that, and that honestly surprises you. You're used to developing some sort of crush on anyone who says more than a sentence to you, and it takes a couple of seconds to realize that this is the disease that Karkat has been complaining about since he met the humans. You think it's called friendship, but you don't even care because you're too busy focusing on the fact that you have to change your plans. You don't think you can join Jack anymore.

You die trying to distract Jack, trying to let the others escape. He touches you and you feel a coldness creeping into your veins, but it just makes you laugh, laugh at the fact that he thinks he can make you feel colder than you did before. You spit at him, causing him to swear loudly, and then you die. You aren't dead for more than a second before you realize your timeline was doomed from the moment that you ended up having an impromptu feelings jam in the hallway, but you realize almost simultaneously that you don't care. The others (all of the others, not just Nepeta) can still look at him when they arrive, and that makes it worth the pain.

* * *

><p>You are Nepeta Leijon, and you are not sure whether Eridan's story made you feel better or worse.<p>

On one hand, it makes you happy to know that, were you presented with the opportunity, you would have saved him.

On the other, it makes it harder, thinking about the fact that you didn't. You wrap your arms around this Eridan, and he makes a surprised noise as you squeeze the air from his lungs. In less than a moment, you decide that, when this is over, you are going to find _your_ Eridan. Maybe you can still help him.

You've calmed down now, at least, and you shut your eyes and begin objectively reviewing your terrible day. At first, you think you are just torturing yourself, because it's exactly the way that you remember it and it causes a sharp ache to swell up inside your chest, but then you catch something. A detail which you absorbed, but didn't even think.

The Karkat that insulted you was missing his horn. You realize this, then practically facepalm over how stupid you were. The Karkat that you saw probably didn't even know you, or maybe you were enemies or some weird thing like that. You almost laugh, the weight lifting off of your shoulders just as quickly as it crashed down.

"I've gotta go find Karkat!" You squeeze Eridan one last time before dashing off, flashing your teeth and telling him that you hope you'll see him again.

* * *

><p>You are Karkat Vantas, and you have just about beaten the other you to a satisfactory pulp when you are tackled by the ball of adorable you've decided to spend your unlife with.<p>

She tackles you so hard, in fact, that you fall down a hill.

As she engages in sloppy makeouts, you realize that it is the same hill you started your relationship at the bottom of.

* * *

><p>You are Karkat Vantas, and being dead is great.<p>

* * *

><p>An: bluh. This took SOOO LONG TO WRITE. I got the plot bunny the day the sleepwalk update came out, but then I got writer's block, and our school play opened, and I realized I should probably work on that chapter fic I'm writing…both of them…(I promise I'll finish the next chapter of Man Who Knew Too Little, guys! It's half written in my Spanish notebook right now!)

But anywho. Hope you liked this monster.


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